There are a lot of articles written about how to survive or maintain an LDR. But how do you really GET OUT OF IT? To me, LDR success is LDR’s end. That’s the point of holding on. So here’s how we did it. It may or may not apply depending on your situation, but I hope there’s some tidbit here that can help you.
First, some mental preparation and a LOT of discussion:
We evaluated each other’s staying power. It took two to tango to make this work and it wasn’t easy. I realized that it was relatively easy for us to build and stick to our communication routine- Facetime in the morning, Facetime before bed and texts in between. There were circumstances we couldn’t make it but we always let each other know. As I said in my earlier post, this routine felt tiresome too. There were moments we were tempted to quit. And we did a few times. So this requires enormous effort on both. Some people are built with this kind of patience, some aren’t. It’s not to say if a person can’t do it he’s bad. It’s just a dating preference. Which one are you and your partner?
We shared similar goals. At ages 35 and 44, we didn’t want a long dating period. We both want a life partner and children in the next few years. We both want to live in London. So shared goals will take you out of LDR and into forever.
We accepted the fact that one of us will uproot his/her life and move for this to work. And it was me. I left family and friends to marry him. I am homesick everyday. I’m in the process of building a new community and waiting a few more months so I can work legally. If you accept this big change, then it’s easier to talk about the future. All in the name of love, honey. Can you do it?
My now-husband accepted the responsibility of being a visa sponsor. We didn’t think about this when we first met, when we enjoying vacation in Boracay, Paris, London and Rome. But when we got very serious about the future, immigration got real. And it wasn’t cheap. He paid about £1,000 for our visa application and got his whole family on board to vouch for me. His financial capability, his legal status and our relationship came under scrutiny. When he did all this for me, I knew I got myself a very good man who wants me enough to go through the hurdles to make it work. If this is a requirement for you, have you made steps to accept it and work toward completion?
And finally for the action:
We applied for the visa! We got the ball rolling. We got our approval after two months of agonizing wait and I left one week later. Our LDR ended the day I set foot in Heathrow airport, welcomed by his big smile and the warmest embrace. You got to get the ball rolling in your relationship. If you both feel deeply about each other and everything feels in sync with your dreams and goals, then pull the trigger already! End your LDR! Pack your bags and move. Settle in your new place with the one you love. Start the process already. It IS worth it.
I wish you lasting happiness and love in your relationship. I hope this helped you a bit into achieving that. Share your experience in the comments below! 🙂
*If you happen to be applying for a UK fiancee visa, watch out for my next post for some pointers.